My Life Archives | Lynn H. Blackburn

Coming In Last

Lynn Blackburn — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 00:04:00 +0000

Coming in last.

I hate it.

Really hate it.

Maybe you do, too?

Have you ever thought about why you hate it?

I have and I’ve boiled it down to a simple statement.

I’m afraid.

Ick.

It’s safer to say that we hate to come in last. It doesn’t sound quite as pitiful as admitting that we’re all grown up and we’re still shaking in our boots.

Afraid we will fail.

Afraid people will think less of us.

Afraid we’ll make an idiot out of ourselves.

Afraid we’ll blow it so badly that others will be able to see our weakness.

For the past year, I’ve faced this fear every single time I walk into Five Forks CrossFit.

For the first three months, I was so nervous that my stomach would do somersaults from the time I woke up until the WOD was over. In my mind, I had no business joining a CrossFit. I was out of shape, overweight, and not in possession of any particular athletic prowess.

Truth be told, in the first few weeks, there were multiple events that tempted me to turn tail and run.

My first week, I fell off a box and messed up my wrist. I came in last.
For the first month, if the WOD (workout of the day) included burpees, my coach automatically cut the number in half for me. I still came in last.
As new people joined our box, I watched as they went from not having a clue to killing the WODs. All while I continued to come in last.
Particularly frustrating were the women, the pregnant and/or brand new moms with 6-week-old babies at home, who lifted more, ran faster, jumped higher, and finished way before me. The girl who finishes last.

Guess what? It’s been a year and I’M STILL COMING IN LAST! Not every time, but a lot of the time.

But guess what else?

I’ve lost almost 30 pounds. I’ve gone from a Size 16 to a Size 10 and on my last shopping trip, I bought a pair of Size 8 jeans and two different shirts that must have been sized wrong because the Mediums were huge on me and I had to buy a Small.

Me. The Chubby Jesus Loving Girl Who Joined a CrossFit.

I’m not telling you this because I think you should join a CrossFit.

I’m telling you this because I think you need to do the thing that scares you.

Even if you know you’re going to come in last.

Even if you know you’re going to mess up.

Even if you know everyone else is going to be able to tell you don’t know what you’re doing and they’ll be able to see how bad you are at it.

You need to write that book.

You need to teach that Bible study.

You need to coach that team.

You need to invite those neighbors over for dinner.

You need to do the thing that scares you.

Even if you wind up coming in last.

You may not be famous. You may not have a million blog followers. You may not win awards.

But you will not be the same.

I’m convinced that God isn’t looking for people to be the “next big thing.” He’s looking for people who will do the one thing He’s leading them to do. Even—especially—if they’re scared.

Not because He wants them to be afraid, but because He will be with them every step of the way.

Even—especially—when they come in last.

Deuteronomy 31:6 ~ Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (ESV)

Click to Tweet: Even if you come in last, you won’t be the same. Thoughts on doing the thing that scares you from @LynnHBlackburn.

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Run to Him

Lynn Blackburn — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 05:34:00 +0000

Hello! Hellooo! Anyone still here?!

Please forgive my lengthy blog absence. Re-writing half of
my book turned into a very lengthy process and there just haven’t been enough hours in the day. But the revisions were accepted and
the book is headed out to a copy editor in the next week or so. For the
foreseeable future, I’m hoping to write one blog post a week (I just typed
“month” – think my subconscious is trying to tell me something??) J

FYI – The blog will be going through an overhaul in preparation
for my book release, but that probably won’t happen until after the first of
the year.

So, enough with the news.

Here’s what’s on my heart…

This weekend, we took a huge step in our family.

We packed away the nursery.

(sob)

We replaced Drew’s furniture with a big boy bed (really –
queen sized – he looks so small in it) and a new dresser and some new shelves.

For those of you who don’t know, Drew is 3½. Yes, that’s a
little old to be sleeping in a crib, but as there was no one displacing him,
and as he wasn’t climbing out of it, there wasn’t a big rush. Little man liked his
cozy space, telling me he didn’t want to sleep in a bed because he might fall
out.

We’ve been talking up the arrival of the big boy bed for a
few weeks now and he’s been excited about it.

Except…

My baby boy had one other thing that had to go, along with
the crib.

The paci.

I was so NOT going to be that mom. The one with a 3-year-old
who still took a paci. Oh no. Not me. But, somewhere along the
way, I turned into that mom. Mainly because I have been dreading the nights of
crying and wailing that I anticipated would accompany the loss of the paci.

But really, at 3½, it had to go. So we psyched ourselves and
everyone else up for it.

“Drew, when you get your big boy bed, no more paci.” We’d been telling him this for weeks.

He didn’t love the idea, but he accepted it.

Until 1:30 a.m. the first night. His crying woke us and I
went upstairs, prepared for what was coming.

“I want my paci.”

That’s all he said. Over and over and over.

If he’d been mad or screaming, it might not have hurt so
much, but he wasn’t.

He was heartbroken.

This wasn’t a cry of anger or frustration. This was a cry of
loss.

It almost killed me.

There wasn’t anything I could say to fix it, and I didn’t
try. I just rocked him and told him I loved him and told him I understood that
he was sad. I didn’t try to make him stop crying or fuss at him for waking me
up. I just held him as his tears soaked my pajamas.

I didn’t give him the paci. I just gave him myself. My love.
My support. And eventually, his sobbing eased and he fell asleep.

It was impossible as I sat there holding him, my own tears
welling up because of his grief, not to sense the nudge of the Spirit. The one
that reminds me that God loves me as a perfect Father and is not immune to my
pain.

Over the past couple of years, there’ve been a couple of really
hard things happen in my life. The kind of things that leave you curled up in a
ball rocking back and forth as you sob and beg God to just FIX IT.

These aren’t the things that find their way to the blog. Not
the specifics anyway. Because even though some people praise me for my
transparency here, the truth is that there are some hurts that are too deep to
share.

But as I rocked Drew, I could picture God—The Everlasting
Arms—holding me as I cried. Brushing my hair back from my cheeks, whispering
how much He loves me.

Not giving me what I want. Giving me Himself.

His love.

His support.

His peace.

Jesus experienced life fully man. He knows betrayal, loss,
hunger, thirst, pain, exhaustion, homelessness, and family drama. He was
misunderstood, misrepresented, and misjudged. He knows what you’re feeling. He’s
felt that way, too.

I don’t know what you’re facing right now. What hard road
you are traveling. What deep hurt you’re living with. I can’t promise you He’ll
give you what you want.

I can promise you that what He gives will be exactly what
you need to keep going.

Run to Him.

Grace and peace,

Lynn

P.S. Drew has been doing great. He’s slept through the night
the past two nights. I thought we might have had the smoothest paci transition
in the history of toddlerhood. Until I caught him sucking his thumb…

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Time to Start Over

Lynn Blackburn — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 23:44:00 +0000

My son loves playing games on my phone. He has one that he’s been playing for a while now. He’s completed so many levels that he has begged me not to let his little brother play, for fear that he’ll mess things up.

So I was surprised yesterday when he asked me to download the game onto the iPad. As I handed the iPad to him, I asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Won’t you have to start over from the beginning?”

He shrugged, a grin spreading across his face. “That’s okay, Mom. It will be good practice.”

Ah. Out of the mouth of babes. Or, in this case, five-year-old Angry Birds Go fanatics.

I need to start over.
I have to.
It’s a good thing.
But it’s so hard.

I’ve completed two novels in the past five years. The first one will probably never see the light of day and the the jury is still out on the second. So it’s time to begin a new story. Time to create a new world. Time to breathe life into new characters, then make their lives difficult, come close to killing them several times, and have it all work out in the end.

I’m on the verge of a panic attack just thinking about it.

I’ve been doing everything creative I can think of—besides writing. I’ve knit. I’ve decorated. I’ve read. I’ve cooked.

But today, I’m writing.

Today, I’m ignoring the voices telling me how pointless it all is. ~~Ignoring~~ Trying to ignore the tension in my chest at the thought of failure.

I’m choosing to see the act of starting over through the eyes of my five-year-old.

It’s good practice.

How about you? Do you find it difficult to transition from a completed project into a brand new one? Or do you love starting new projects but have trouble finishing them? Do you find you need to take a break between creative endeavors?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Dear Jesus…Amen

Lynn Blackburn — Wed, 04 Sep 2013 15:00:00 +0000

I love hearing my kids find their voice as they learn to talk to God.

Emma goes for loud and proud. “Dear Jesus,” she’ll begin, then we usually get a nice pause. This is followed by her thanking Him for something about her day, or the food, or something really random like swings or a television show.
I know God looks forward to her prayers. I believe they make Him smile.

Then there’s James. At four, his prayers are already starting to sound like the prayers he’s heard. He’s likely to ask God to help us “have a great day” or “keep us safe” and he’s been known to throw in a request for frozen yogurt or a trip to the park. He also is starting to question things.

He recently wanted to know why we say “Amen” at the end of our prayer. I told him what I’ve always been told, that “amen” means “so be it.” That went flying over his head, so I backed up and went with, “it’s a word we use to end our prayers.” He hasn’t started saying “goodbye” or “later” so I think he’s good with amen.

Of course, I imagine God cracking up as this little guy starts to have more of a conversation with Him. I think He loves the questions and looks forward to James coming to Him with more complex queries in the years ahead.

And then there’s Drew. At two, his prayers go like this…Dear Jesus…(long pause)…Amen.
It’s cute, right? Adorable really.
He’ll grow more verbose in the months ahead.

But I wonder if God kinda wishes he wouldn’t.

I wonder if He wishes more of us prayed the way Drew does.

Dear Jesus…(long pause…sitting quietly, waiting for Him) … so be it.

So often, I try to tell God everything I need, because I know what I need. I try to explain the mess, because I know all the ins and outs of the situation. I try to propose a solution, because I’ve been thinking about this for a while.

Wait…why am I praying again?

Maybe we could all take a lesson from Drew. Maybe we need to approach the throne, not with a laundry list of desires, but with one desire.

Dear Jesus…whatever You want…so be it.

Amen.

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A Different Kind of Margin

Lynn Blackburn — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:57:00 +0000

I have not been in a “bloggy” mood lately, which is weird for me. I love this blog. I love opening up my laptop and watching my scrambled thoughts morph into something that makes sense. At least to me.

Most of the time, I have three or four blog posts ready to go, but for the past couple of months, I’ve felt dry. Uninspired.

Empty.

Which is why I decided to take an unscheduled blog break.

For two weeks, I haven’t attempted to blog at all. I’ve journaled some during my quiet time (with a pen if you can imagine it!), and I’ve spent several hours on my fiction work-in-progress (the opening scene is my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever written, which probably means I’ll have to delete it, but for the moment, I’m quite pleased), but I’ve avoided anything that could look like a blog post.

I’ve been busy living my life instead.

I’ve planned and more or less succeeded in pulling off a double birthday party for my ten-year-old daughter and two-year old son.
I’ve taken my children for a long overdue trip to the Children’s Museum (we now have annual passes—that place is awesome)!
I’ve done a lot of normal things like laundry and meal planning.
I’ve played all sorts of random games with my kids.
I’ve enjoyed an oh-so-peaceful afternoon sitting in our “library” with my husband while snow fell in fancy flakes and piled up on the ground until we couldn’t stand it anymore and he retrieved all three kids from grandma’s house so we could build a snowman together.
I’ve started training for a 5K (that’s going to be interesting).
I’ve gotten a new haircut. I love it and have almost figured out how to fix it on my own.
I’ve been reading Leviticus, which everyone agrees can be a bit of a slog-fest, and have been stunned to discover how much great stuff is in there. Sure, there’s a fair amount of repetition with regards to long lobes of the liver and fat and entrails. And there’s no question that it’s a bloody book. Despite that, over and over again I find myself in awe, because unless we get just how onerous the Law was, how can we ever hope to appreciate the beauty and generosity of Grace?

After a few weeks of giving myself the margin to do a lot of ordinary things and a few things out of the ordinary, my heart is full and my thoughts are scrambled. I’m itching to start making sense of them again. I hope you’ll join me in the weeks ahead.

Grace and peace,

Lynn

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The Pinterest Perplexity

Lynn Blackburn — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 15:30:00 +0000

It can’t just be me.

Please say it isn’t just me.

I love Pinterest! I see the those little rectangles filled with beautifully staged food, artfully arranged mantles, adorably posed children, and I think…

How hard could it be?

Well, I have some homemade hand soap that feels like snot, a goofy looking Valentine’s Day door wreath, and some apples with a caramel filling that refused to stick to prove that just because something looks easy, it doesn’t mean it is.

My most recent Pinterest ~~disaster~~ ~~fiasco~~ experience?

A workout.

Now, I don’t claim to be fit, but I regularly make it through an hour-long Body Combat class and am able to walk to my car unassisted. So when I saw an at-home workout, I thought it might be a great thing to add to my repertoire for the days I can’t make it to the gym.

This particular workout had nine elements. It said to repeat it three times and it should take approximately 25 minutes.

Um. I don’t think so.

I thoroughly intended to do the whole thing three times. About 15 jumping jacks in, it occurred to me that this might be harder than I’d imagined.

When I finished the final element—a 60 second plank (which took me 2 minutes)—I collapsed on the mat with the sure knowledge that there was no way I would be repeating it once, much less twice.

Nothing is ever as easy as it looks.

You know that friend of yours who has it all together? The co-worker who is sailing through life? The Size 4 neighbor with the perfect children?

Don’t believe it.

Nothing is ever as easy as it looks.

I’m not sure why we look at the Pinterest version of the lives around us and assume the snapshots we are allowed to see tell the whole story.

Think about your own life. The hard stuff no one knows about. The health scare. The marriage that’s struggling. The kids that are wandering. The finances that are tighter than anyone suspects. The depression that’s closing in on your mind.

Why do we assume no one else is laboring under a heavy load?

Can I make a suggestion? This Valentine’s week, take some time to pray for the women who mean the most to you. Pray for their relationships, their health, their jobs, their families. Pray for discernment and pay attention to any prompts from the Holy Spirit.

Our real lives are not Pinterest boards.

Let’s quit acting like they are.

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Want to Get Wet?

Lynn Blackburn — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 13:30:00 +0000

I just returned from a wonderful week of vacation in the mountains of North Carolina. We had an amazing time and I’m looking forward to sharing bits of what God showed me in the weeks ahead.

But for now, as promised, today is the launch of the new and improved Out of the Boat. I’m keeping the most popular topics, scaling back on a few posts, and adding a new feature that I hope you’ll enjoy.

Here’s what you can expect when you stop by.

Tuesday: Walking on Water ~ Where our faith gets its feet wet. These are the lessons I’m learning as I live where fear and faith collide. Some lessons are fun. Some poignant. All of them are glimpses of God’s grace.

Every other Thursday: Riding the Rapids ~ Where truth splashes us with fresh grace and fiction keeps us hanging on for the ride. These are the books, Bible studies, and experiences that are informing my journey-and keeping it fun!

Saturday: Currents ~ Where wonders and weirdness collide. I hope this makes you curious…check back in on Saturday for the first installment!

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Still Out of the Boat (Part 1)

Lynn Blackburn — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:51:00 +0000

In honor of my 200th blog post, I’ve been fiddling with the blog. If you’re reading this in a reader or on a mobile device you may not see anything different, but I’m trying to spruce things up around here. I’m also in the process of renewing my focus for Out of the Boat and revamping the schedule, but we’ll talk more about that in August.

For this week, I want to answer a question that I get asked with some frequency.

Why did you name the blog Out of the Boat?

I’m going to answer by revisiting a couple of blog posts that were written in April of 2010 when this blog was just a baby, and when I couldn’t say “I’m a writer” without turning red and stammering over the words. Some things have changed in the past two years, but one thing hasn’t.

I’m still Out of the Boat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of the Boat – Part 1

Matthew
14: 27-30 – But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do
not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come
to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked
on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and
beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me.”

Lynn’s
synopsis: Peter jumped out. Peter freaked out. Peter called
out.

I am so out of the boat.

I guess I
didn’t exactly jump out of the boat. It was more like a tumble (I’m not known
for being graceful). But regardless, I’m out of the boat.

And I
am freaking out about it.

Bless Peter. I’m so glad he’s in the
Bible. I love him. I love that he had a big mouth and a big temper and that he
blew it – frequently and spectacularly. And I’m thrilled that God used Peter and
we all can smile when we read about Peter’s antics in the gospels, because we
know how the story turns out. How Peter became a bold and courageous apostle.
How he lived – and died – for Christ.

But today, I’m thinking
about how Peter freaked out.

The man got out of the boat. Of his
own free will, he stepped out of a perfectly good boat and onto water. Water!
And he walked on it. We don’t know how far he walked before he realized what he
had done. Maybe it was a few steps. Maybe 50 yards. But regardless, Jesus called
him and he obeyed. And then he totally lost it.

For the past week or so,
I’ve been freaking out ~~quite a bit~~, once a
day, OK fine. A lot. We’ll leave it at that.

For me, getting
out of the boat has more to do with telling people I’m a writer than the actual
writing. Because now that people know . . . what do they expect? Will I be
explaining to people five years from now, ten years from now, that ‘yes, I’m
still writing but no, I haven’t been published’?

Was there any
reason for Peter to get out of the boat, other than to be obedient to the
call?
Does it matter if I’m ever published? Maybe to my pride.
But otherwise, no. What matters is that I’m taking the next step, in obedience
to my Father.

So why am I freaking out? Because I’m a perfectionist.
Because I care way too much about what people think about me. Because I’m afraid
of going to this conference and being embarrassed by my naivety. Because I’ve
gotten my eyes off of my Father and on myself. Because I’m trying to do “this”
myself when I’m not even sure what “this” is. Because I’m thinking about me – me
– me.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning
to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand
and took hold of him saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
-Matthew 14: 30-31

I have no idea why Jesus wanted Peter to
get out of the boat and I have no idea why God wants me to write. But it’s not
just about me. God is up to something. God is always up to something. He’s that
kind of God!

And when I call out to Him, He takes hold of me and says,
“Baby, why are you doubting?”

Ps. 138:8 The LORD will fulfill
his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake
the work of your hands.

****

Credits: A friend of mine posted about how Jesus is always there for us when we’ve jumped, or been pushed, or went kicking and screaming, out of the boat. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. You can read her comments here. Thanks for the encouragement Kim!
http://lovegracepeace.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/always-there/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote these words over two years ago and I’m amazed how true they still are today. I’m living life at the place where fear and faith collide. How about you? Have you stepped out in faith and now are freaking out? Tell us where you are in the journey!

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Why You Should NOT Take A Break This Summer

Lynn Blackburn — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 03:15:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, I asked what you were planning to do to grow closer to God this summer. Remember? (If not, click here!)

I know that many of us participate in Bible studies during the school year, but we usually take the summer off. Which makes perfect sense. It’s hard to schedule group sessions around vacations and swim lessons.

What doesn’t make sense?

Taking the summer off.

We aren’t in first grade anymore. We’re supposed to be ever growing, ever learning, ever maturing.

Go ahead and take the summer off from scheduled, group study. But please don’t put your Bible and journal up on a shelf with plans to dig them back out in September.

We must remember that we are in a war. Our enemy doesn’t take summers off. For whole battalions to decide they aren’t going to fight for three months out of the year reveals a serious lack of spiritual maturity on the part of people who should be battle hardened warriors.

Make no mistake about it…if you aren’t growing closer to God then you’re moving away from Him. The enemy will gladly watch you drift and then he’ll unleash every obstacle in his arsenal to be sure you never get as close as you once were.

Now that I’ve gotten all up in your business, let me share with you a resource you might want to consider. You could think of it as a summer refresher course.

Depending on where you are in your walk with the Lord, it might sound like a remedial class.

Trust me, it’s not.

A dear friend of mine (Lori Roeleveld of Deeper with Jesus in Rhode Island), threw out a call to take “The God Challenge” this summer by reading 40 Ways to Get Closer to God written by Jerry (Chip) MacGregor with Keri Wyatt Kent.

It sounded perfect. Maybe a little lighter than what I’d been planning, but hey, it’s summer.

Did I mention that this is not a remedial class?

Good.

It’s not that these challenges are hard. If you’ve been following God for any length of time, you may even read the challenge for that day and think, “Seriously? That’s it? I do that all the time.” I’ve had a few of those days.

To my surprise and embarrassment, when I attempt the challenge I often discover that I needed some work on that particular discipline after all. Consider me Gibbs slapped by God!

I’m not going to give it all away, but I started this in late May. It’s June 11th and I’m not even up to Day 10. I’m trying not to read or jump ahead until I have actually done, or at least planned when I will do, each activity. I’m taking my time because I don’t want to just read a book about getting closer to God.

I want to actually get closer to God.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll share with you some of my adventures, what I’m learning, and what God is showing me about how amazing He is. If you’d like to jump in and join the fun, that would be fantastic. (Please send me a shout out in the comments!)

Whether you choose to join in on #TheGodChallenge (our Twitter hashtag) or not, please do something. Read the New Testament. Pray for each member of your family every day. Read the Psalms slowly (I did that last year – loved it!).

Your enemy is not taking the summer off. You shouldn’t either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Joy Dare continues…

3 Gifts Painted ~ Roses painted the perfect pink; baby faces painted in watermelon juice; smiles painted on the faces of friends reunited

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Blessed to Call Him Mine

Lynn Blackburn — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 23:57:00 +0000

Sometimes, when a follower of Christ answers the call to come out of the boat and walk a new path, the people they’ve been doing life with are more hindrance than help.

Instead of cheering, they chide.
Instead of rooting, they rebuke.
Instead of praying, they pout.

And far too often, the resistance comes from those closest. The very people who should understand, don’t. Spouses gripe. Parents worry. Friends question.

I know this happens. A lot.

But not to me.

When I started writing a book a few years ago, I had four chapters done when I mustered the courage to print them out and ask for my husband’s opinion.

He’s been my biggest fan ever since.

All that summer, he’d ask me how the book was coming. It was often this question that drove me to sit back down in front of the computer and press on, even when I thought I’d lost my mind to consider writing a book.

When I typed “The End” it was Brian who declared it a success. And Brian who thought it should be published. It was Brian who encouraged me to take a writing class. Brian who said “yes” to me attending my first (and second) writing conference. Brian who never questions me when I say, “I need to write”.

It’s Brian who listens when I ~~complain,~~ ~~whine~~, ok, cry over poor contest scores, blog posts that no one responds to, and rejections from agents and editors. And it’s Brian who reminds me ~~from time to time~~, often, that he’s certain God had a purpose for me writing that book and that God’s plans for my writing are still unfolding.

It’s Brian who encourages me to keep stepping out in faith, even when I’m exhausted from fighting the wind and waves of doubt and fear.

So, if you’ve ever been encouraged by anything I’ve ever written, you should know that there’s a man in my life who cheers, roots, and prays for me. A man who is out of the boat with me.

A man I am blessed to call mine.

Happy 40th Birthday Brian! I love you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you taking the JoyDare with me? My personal journal has over 700 grace gifts listed since November 2011. I’m a little behind in updating the blog link (what with a writers conference and a 40th birthday party weekend to enjoy!) but I’d love for you to join me.

I’m so thankful…

For my husband of almost 15 years who gets me, even when I don’t get myself.
For family and friends who celebrated with us.
For the way earthly joys awaken that place in our hearts created for eternity and leave us longing for the time when we will all be together…no more death, no more tears, no more loved ones missing from the party.
For mist dancing at dawn on a quiet lake.
For birds, bullfrogs, and bugs letting me listen in on their morning song to our Creator.

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