Oct. 23rd, 2014
Run to Him
Hello! Hellooo! Anyone still here?!
Please forgive my lengthy blog absence. Re-writing half of
my book turned into a very lengthy process and there just haven’t been enough hours in the day. But the revisions were accepted and
the book is headed out to a copy editor in the next week or so. For the
foreseeable future, I’m hoping to write one blog post a week (I just typed
“month” – think my subconscious is trying to tell me something??) J
my book turned into a very lengthy process and there just haven’t been enough hours in the day. But the revisions were accepted and
the book is headed out to a copy editor in the next week or so. For the
foreseeable future, I’m hoping to write one blog post a week (I just typed
“month” – think my subconscious is trying to tell me something??) J
FYI – The blog will be going through an overhaul in preparation
for my book release, but that probably won’t happen until after the first of
the year.
for my book release, but that probably won’t happen until after the first of
the year.
So, enough with the news.
Here’s what’s on my heart…
This weekend, we took a huge step in our family.
We packed away the nursery.
(sob)
We replaced Drew’s furniture with a big boy bed (really –
queen sized – he looks so small in it) and a new dresser and some new shelves.
queen sized – he looks so small in it) and a new dresser and some new shelves.
For those of you who don’t know, Drew is 3½. Yes, that’s a
little old to be sleeping in a crib, but as there was no one displacing him,
and as he wasn’t climbing out of it, there wasn’t a big rush. Little man liked his
cozy space, telling me he didn’t want to sleep in a bed because he might fall
out.
little old to be sleeping in a crib, but as there was no one displacing him,
and as he wasn’t climbing out of it, there wasn’t a big rush. Little man liked his
cozy space, telling me he didn’t want to sleep in a bed because he might fall
out.
We’ve been talking up the arrival of the big boy bed for a
few weeks now and he’s been excited about it.
few weeks now and he’s been excited about it.
Except…
My baby boy had one other thing that had to go, along with
the crib.
the crib.
The paci.
I was so NOT going to be that mom. The one with a 3-year-old
who still took a paci. Oh no. Not me. But, somewhere along the
way, I turned into that mom. Mainly because I have been dreading the nights of
crying and wailing that I anticipated would accompany the loss of the paci.
who still took a paci. Oh no. Not me. But, somewhere along the
way, I turned into that mom. Mainly because I have been dreading the nights of
crying and wailing that I anticipated would accompany the loss of the paci.
But really, at 3½, it had to go. So we psyched ourselves and
everyone else up for it.
everyone else up for it.
“Drew, when you get your big boy bed, no more paci.” We’d been telling him this for weeks.
He didn’t love the idea, but he accepted it.
Until 1:30 a.m. the first night. His crying woke us and I
went upstairs, prepared for what was coming.
went upstairs, prepared for what was coming.
“I want my paci.”
That’s all he said. Over and over and over.
If he’d been mad or screaming, it might not have hurt so
much, but he wasn’t.
much, but he wasn’t.
He was heartbroken.
This wasn’t a cry of anger or frustration. This was a cry of
loss.
loss.
It almost killed me.
There wasn’t anything I could say to fix it, and I didn’t
try. I just rocked him and told him I loved him and told him I understood that
he was sad. I didn’t try to make him stop crying or fuss at him for waking me
up. I just held him as his tears soaked my pajamas.
try. I just rocked him and told him I loved him and told him I understood that
he was sad. I didn’t try to make him stop crying or fuss at him for waking me
up. I just held him as his tears soaked my pajamas.
I didn’t give him the paci. I just gave him myself. My love.
My support. And eventually, his sobbing eased and he fell asleep.
My support. And eventually, his sobbing eased and he fell asleep.
It was impossible as I sat there holding him, my own tears
welling up because of his grief, not to sense the nudge of the Spirit. The one
that reminds me that God loves me as a perfect Father and is not immune to my
pain.
welling up because of his grief, not to sense the nudge of the Spirit. The one
that reminds me that God loves me as a perfect Father and is not immune to my
pain.
Over the past couple of years, there’ve been a couple of really
hard things happen in my life. The kind of things that leave you curled up in a
ball rocking back and forth as you sob and beg God to just FIX IT.
hard things happen in my life. The kind of things that leave you curled up in a
ball rocking back and forth as you sob and beg God to just FIX IT.
These aren’t the things that find their way to the blog. Not
the specifics anyway. Because even though some people praise me for my
transparency here, the truth is that there are some hurts that are too deep to
share.
the specifics anyway. Because even though some people praise me for my
transparency here, the truth is that there are some hurts that are too deep to
share.
But as I rocked Drew, I could picture God—The Everlasting
Arms—holding me as I cried. Brushing my hair back from my cheeks, whispering
how much He loves me.
Arms—holding me as I cried. Brushing my hair back from my cheeks, whispering
how much He loves me.
Not giving me what I want. Giving me Himself.
His love.
His support.
His peace.
Jesus experienced life fully man. He knows betrayal, loss,
hunger, thirst, pain, exhaustion, homelessness, and family drama. He was
misunderstood, misrepresented, and misjudged. He knows what you’re feeling. He’s
felt that way, too.
hunger, thirst, pain, exhaustion, homelessness, and family drama. He was
misunderstood, misrepresented, and misjudged. He knows what you’re feeling. He’s
felt that way, too.
I don’t know what you’re facing right now. What hard road
you are traveling. What deep hurt you’re living with. I can’t promise you He’ll
give you what you want.
you are traveling. What deep hurt you’re living with. I can’t promise you He’ll
give you what you want.
I can promise you that what He gives will be exactly what
you need to keep going.
you need to keep going.
Run to Him.
Grace and peace,
Lynn
P.S. Drew has been doing great. He’s slept through the night
the past two nights. I thought we might have had the smoothest paci transition
in the history of toddlerhood. Until I caught him sucking his thumb…
the past two nights. I thought we might have had the smoothest paci transition
in the history of toddlerhood. Until I caught him sucking his thumb…
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Lynn Huggins Blackburn Believes In The Power Of Stories, Especially Those That Remind Us That True Love Exists.
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~Beautifully true! There were tears in my eyes as I read this. ~
Blessings.
Psalm 121
Wow, beautiful picture of our Father's love for us! Thank you for sharing it.
And congrats on finishing your rewrites. Now brace yourself for the fun of final edits. But just know we're in your corner, cheering you on!
Shoshana – that means so much to me. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Vonda – Thanks! And yes, they are coming…just in time for the holidays! I've already started Christmas shopping :-).